Where are you from, really?

When I feel the most overwhelmed with life and times I like to look back to where I've come from. I think there are many misconceptions about where people are from but it's our past that makes us who we are. I'm on a plane headed back to New York for Inman Real Estate Connect where the global gurus of real estate meet to hypothesize on the future of residential real estate and the modern ways to market your business, and brand you. I'm not flying with the usual excitement that I fly with when I head to one of the greatest cities in the world. I am on a strict and tight budget. Being in Manhattan is a $500/day decision so you must maximize the time. Still, it's worth the investment of time and money to "be about it" vs talk about it.

I remain personally overwhelmed with all that's going on these days. Yesterday was my only day in the office for the week. I am coming off 3 nights getting to bed at 4am (wish it was because I was out partying). Trying to get year end billing done, organize finances, be a good leader, keep up with email, maintain my relationship, be a good dad...all these are important and time consuming. All are necessary and all worth doing. The hours do tick off quick, and I know I need rest, but the night shift is really the only place I can even attempt to focus on my tasks at hand. A single day in the office for someone like me is a curse in a way. It's impossible to get it all done which creates stress. Reflection and "plane time" help me crave the bright spots in my life, my grounding, my focus. It also makes me liken back to a time when life was so, so simple...childhood.

Where did I come from?
I was born a poor white kid, raised in Sparks, Nevada. And, while I have maintained second homes in other cities, Reno has always been my true home. It is a bit hard for many to understand that the Fuze offices are a mere couple blocks away from where I grew up. My childhood home was 309 K Street in Sparks, Nevada, USA (see photo). As I drove in to the office Monday I decided to detour by my childhood home. If you haven't done that, you should (if you can). K street is where I lived from 0-15 years of age. Our home was 1000 square feet, 2 bedrooms, 1 bath. We had a 1-car garage. I shared a room with by brother Todd until I started high school. I've driven down my childhood street many times. The neighborhood seemed so much bigger when I was a kid. I look at the little house we had and I am amazed. When I was little, the yard seemed giant. The space between the houses seemed to be like a football pitch. My trees seemed to reach to heaven. When I look at it now I realize that it was all, in reality, tiny. Yet, when I was there...I never felt alone, or deprived of anything. In fact, I always felt like we lived in the center of the world. What we lacked in amenities, we had in family, friendships, and love. Trite as that may seem, we figured out how to make things fun. Life was just simple.

As a father, I struggle with being a good mentor, provider and to give my son everything in life he could ever desire. But, the complexity of that cause periods of overwhelm. Our current economic times have many folks thinking back to simplicity, core, value, importance. It's good for us, all. So much excess and nothing that matters. As a for instance, u could fit 4 of my childhood homes inside the home my son and I live in now. I have a commercial kitchen in my home that rarely ever cook in. One of my cars cost 5 times what my dad paid for 309 K in 1970. I am not bragging. I work my ass off. You want it, go get it. But, there's a trade...and I'm realizing it now more than ever as I work on cutting expenses. Think about how you live as an adult vs. how you lived as a kid. As someone who was born with a Raley's freebie spoon in my mouth vs the silver variety, I feel like refocusing, something I speak about often (like here, and here, etc.) is a constant goal of mine. Stick to what's important. Love those who love you, without condition. Without exception. In them you find your core, who you are. And, really, shit else matters. I teach my son to be a good person first and to never feel like he is better than any other person in spite of what privileges he may enjoy. He shouldn't necessarily follow in my footsteps. There are simpler ways to live.

Well, we are about to land here. 36 kevin dee-grees. Cold. Ok, I'm ready to turn on my game face, shake hands and make it rain. If you care to share, I'd be interested in hearing other peoples stories on how they grew up and how they live now. Are you living like you did as a kid or have you stretched it out like me?

Updates from the city to come. Won't be any fine dining at Del Friscos, or Cipriani for me this week. I'm goin on the cheap. That's just fine with me...it's still New York.

Live swell.

B

PS
I punched this out on my iPhone in the typepad app. Sorry for the typos.

Comments

[Bill says...]

B - I can some this up one way -

zakly

Your comments are exactly what people need to be thinking, hearing, and living right now...In fact we were foolish to deviate from said values, and now we must simply recover...enjoy the ride. Those days of living in the tiny house have more memories stacked into it then you likely will build for the rest of your life, and your son is living those days now. You're building the world he'll remember, when he hammers out some thoughts 30 years from now.

B

[Bryan Landaburu says...]

Thanks WldWhl...agree with you as always. Its also now that like-minded business people/friends enhance their relationships. Always appreciate your insight and your candor. Bill is a good friend who runs a good business.(registeredink.com)

[sterling doak says...]

This post really hit a sweet spot for me. Similarly, I came from humble roots. But the similarity probably ends there. Plainly speaking, I had a pretty difficult childhood. Two alcoholic parents, divorced when I was young and moved around a lot. This is not to say that my childhood was terrible, but there were just extreme ups and downs. Most of it was in San Antonio, Texas, and I have mainly wonderful memories of my grandmother and hanging around the ad agency, etc. She passed away from cancer when I was about 10 and that just killed my mom. We moved here shortly after, a huge change, and from then on it was very up and down. My father slipped deeply into drug addiction in New Mexico and my mother was a full blown alcoholic. I spent a lot of time out of the house. I remember summers when I would not come home for weeks - just staying with friends. When you are a kid, you just go and don't think. You don't reflect on why you don't want to be home, you just don't. Obviously, I was attracted to kids like myself - wild ones. Amazingly, I stayed out of trouble for the most part, but I did make some major attempts to get tossed into juvi. I constantly straddled the line of good and evil. Ever standing on the edge, but always backing away from the cliff when it got too windy.

Sparing the gory details of high school and college, there was something good that came out of all that weirdness from my childhood - a positive attitude. The eternal optimist. The smiling agnostic. Etc. What I don't have, however, is what they call the killer instinct. The ability to work 80's a week, go for the throat, get after-it-ness. And I think because I didn't ever have that classic childhood - I spent way too much time with adults and their vices - as I get older I keep searching for it sometimes. I feel like, because mine wasn't all roses that I need to make up for it by maintaining this inner kid. I feel like I can't tell that inner kid "no" because, hey, why should I?

So, to wrap this up, the reason why what you wrote resonated with me was, with all this in mind, I think it is important to remind yourself that life is short and the time we have is not guaranteed. You need to play and have as much fun as possible. I don't do the serious deal. I have a lot of peers that try very hard to be "serious business people" and frankly, they bore the shit out of me. They aren't terribly fun to be around because they don't want to attract attention to themselves. They don't push it. They don't play. Now, I am not against working long hours and all that stuff, but you have to be having FUN when you work those hours. You have to enjoy your day. You have to play. I am not against making money, but if what I am doing isn't fun, there's no paycheck big enough. Sleep, it's like cashing in sanity checks. Be lazy. Yeah! BE LAZY, it's fucking fantastic. Be thankful that you can wake up and play hookie from work and go snowboarding or golfing once in a while; it is the responsible thing to do.

The Playground. That's where I come from.

[Crystal Blahnik says...]

Thank you for always writing with such honesty and straightforwardness, Bryan. I personally love reading it. I had a pretty roller coaster 2008 and now 2009 is even more scary for everyone.

I grew up a country kid and my father ran (still runs) a dairy farm in the tiniest of towns in the U.P. of Michigan. I couldn’t wait to get outta there. A fond memory of mine is honestly that as a child I never knew that when I graduated high school that there was an option to 'not' go to college...though neither of my parents had finished. I was truly lucky to have parents that worked very hard and in that way instilled a drive for me to work very hard as well, but also work ‘more smart’ than they had. I somehow managed to team that drive up with a real understanding of taking advantage of LIFE, learning what kinds of things I loved to do and doing them, and allowing myself to be happy. Some of those things I learned DUE to my upbringing and some in SPITE of it, as I lived out the first 18 years with my parents mistakes and shortcomings as well as their encouragement.

Things get crazy and sometimes fear or anxiety get to all of us; it does to me on a regular basis. As an adult, I like to know that I have a great network of friends and family (across the whole country) that care about me, appreciate me and have confidence I’ll succeed in whatever I want to do. It also doesn’t hurt that I moved myself to one of the most beautiful places there is, and consciously remember to take the time each day to really appreciate that fact. (And when that doesn’t work I also really like vodka.)

I don’t live the life of the girl that could have stayed in the U.P. and just ‘gotten by’ at all, and I think that as far back as I remember that was what I had really wanted to accomplish. Now I create new goals on a regular basis and enjoy working at accomplishing them. When things don’t work out the way I thought they should, I embrace what it has become. I’m trying to become a contributing member of a community, a leader to those that look up to me, and through all, have fun. That is how I live now. And I like it.

[Joe & Ian says...]

One of the more refreshing posts I read today.

Why does life have to be greener on the other side..If you're not famous, you want to be known..

And when you are famous, people spit at your face: http://www.techcrunch.com/2009/01/28/some-things-need-to-change/

But I have to say, you're fighting well man:

--As a father, I struggle with being a good mentor, provider and to give my son everything in life he could ever desire. But, the complexity of that cause periods of overwhelm."

And you're not alone with these dilemma.

[Steve Lewis says...]

Yes, B, life is not about the abundance, or lack, of our possessions, but in the relationships we've developed.

Steven Covey said to begin with the end in mind. When you're lying in a coffin and people are passing by, what would you like them to say about you?

Start, today, to become that person.

I'm an auto locator in Reno who has made hundreds of friends by making their car buying experience a pleasant one.

Thanks for a great, thought provoking article.

Steve